Thinking about stopping trying can be very tough for couples who already have a child or children, and would still like to add to their family. For women and couples who don’t have children, or don’t have children together, these thoughts can be especially hard and painful. Couples may also feel differently about continuing the attempts to have a baby, which can cause friction in the relationship.

There are no right or wrong reasons for the trying to stop, and you should never have to justify your thoughts and decisions to anyone.

• Trauma of the loss/es – a single miscarriage can be devastating, regardless of when in the pregnancy it happened
• Repeated losses
• Fertility problems
• Parental age
• Social, financial or relationship issues
• Starting to prepare for adoption

It may also help to think of stopping as a process over time, and not a clear cut decision you must make and then stick to rigidly. It’s quite normal to make and reverse the decision to stop trying several times as you work through your feelings – and you can always change your mind. Even allowing yourself to think about stopping can feel like a huge step. However, it can also be empowering and gradually give you a sense of control, as well as breathing space to imagine other kinds of futures.

If adoption is something you might consider, most agencies require you to not have tried to conceive for a set period of time before you can start adoption counselling. Parental age is usually a factor when very young children are matched with adoptive parents so this may be something you need to be aware of.